My shoulder is aching as I have been holding my arm up shielding my eyes from the scorching hot sun high in the sky. Even with my shades on and my eyes closed it’s hurting my head. This weather is great.

Sitting on the front step of Ed and Sian’s bungalow next to Ed. He’s on the top step, his upper body leaning in through the front door into his hall, legs out in the sun and feet on the step.

It’s a Sunday afternoon and it’s the start of my week off work and this weather is forecast for the next 2 weeks.

I take my t-shirt off and put it over my head, welcoming the dark. The pain at the back of my eyes ease.  My shoulder feels stiff as I lower my arm to my side, just before the “pin and needles” kicks in.

 

Fancy a pint asks Ed!  “Does a bear shit in the woods?” I reply.

“Go and get it then and get me one too”

​

Pulling my t-shirt off my head and scrambling to push myself off the step where I was comfy I make my way left to Ed’s garage at the side of the bungalow.

Lifting the up and over door up I shout back “What have you got this time?”  “Stella” comes the reply from the legs on the step!  “Ooooooh!” I say with a smile! 

​

Stepping into the dark garage I lift my shades onto my head, the cool air is lovely and comforting. My eyes still taking a second or two to adjust as I make my way over to “the bar”.

​

Ed works for a Rich who runs a pub amongst other businesses. Ed is the “right hand man” to Rich. Jobs needs doing and its Ed that’s called on to get it done himself or allocate someone else.

Rich also run a lot of bars at fetes or outdoor gigs. Normally large beer tents.  Often at the end of the night any beer or spirits that are left over Ed is allowed to take what he wants as a thank you as long as they are “split crates” or open barrels. And this is what Ed has here. A half barrel of Stella Artois.

Over time Ed has acquired beer taps, coolers and the gas bottles .Everything you would need to operate a modern bar.

​

I get to the table on where the beer taps are. Checking to see which one is hooked up to the barrel I lean over and take a couple of pint glasses off a shelf on the wall. Tipping the glass under the tap I flick it on.

This is going to be so nice! I’m salivating as I fill the first glass and place it on the table. That’s Eds.

My glass now under the tap I fill it half way. Flicking the tap off I raise the glass to my forehead and let the coolness soak in. Then over my closed eyelids! That is nice!  Bringing the glass back down to my lips I tip my head back and gulp down the cool lager!  So quick I didn’t even taste it! Glass back under the tap to fill up again.

​

“Hope you aint drinking more than your share” Ed shouts from the front door about twenty feet away.

“What do you take me for? Bloody ‘ell!  Don’t trust me do you?” I challenge him smiling from ear to ear and trying to sound hurt and offended.  “Just enjoying the coolness of being in here.”

​

My glass is now full and again I chug back another 2 large gulps. Back to topping my glass up again for the last time. “Sod ya” I’m thinking and trying not to giggle aloud and looking over my shoulder in case Ed has got up and I had not heard him.

I pull my shades down, grab the two full pint glasses and make my way out of the garage and straight into the very hot sun! 

​

Walking from the garage and past their bedroom window I see Sian looking at me, almost eye level, through the net curtains. First to the lovely cool drinks I’m trying not to spill as I walk and then to straight into my eyes. I nod my head and smile “Alright me darling” I say. Nothing from her. I know she must have heard me as the window was open.

​

At the steps I give Ed a tap on the leg with my foot “Here you go numbnuts” as he lifts himself up from the shade of his hall and leans into the sun, squinting arm out for the cool pint of lager. Me being me I keep moving it just out of his reach knowing that his eyes have not focused just yet. A pained look on his face I give in and hand it to him.

​

“You two had better not be getting drunk” Sian’s voice boom from their bedroom just down the hall Ed was lying in.

Ed had just wrapped his lips around the pint and took his first swallow when she bursts out with that comment. He closes his eyes and sighs!  I’m grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“That garden needs cutting; it’s like a jungle out there. I want to see that all cut down and tidy by the time I get back from my mum’s” she’s still shouting from the bedroom.

In all fairness, both Ed and Sian work hard. Very and the garden was looking like a jungle. Just one of those things that needed to be done.

“Oh the joys of being married. Being single has its good points” I whisper to Ed.

“Don’t you be saying like that to him H or I’ll come out there and sort you out” bellows Sian. I laugh out aloud.  She has the hearing of a bat! 

​

Ed’s sitting there shaking his head pausing only to take another slurp of that very tasty glass of “Stella”. The sun is out, free lager, Sian wants to “slap”me. Two out of three aint bad!  Hey ho! 

We’re down to the last dregs of our pints now when Sian exits the bedroom and walks down the hall to Ed.

“Right, I’m off she says. “I’ll be back around 6pm”. She leans over and gives Ed a kiss on the lips “Love you babe” . Ed is smiling from ear to ear. Sian smiles. I’m smiling. Lovely to see.

​

They fight like cat and dog but they both love each other something stupid.  Against each other one is like a whirlwind and the other a forest fire. If anyone tries to get between them they join and become a firestorm and then look out.

I saw a rather stupid man did try to play one off the other. He has now come out of the I.C.U and is in a stable condition but it took a while.

​

Sian steps down the steps from their home and walks towards me, finger out and pointing at me “Don’t you let him get drunk and cover yourself up. Your tattoos scare me”

“Me!  Now would I do something like that? “I say giggling but also taking a step back just out of Sian’s reach. “And cut that grass Ed” she continues spinning to look at Ed.

Ed is smiling and just nods.

 

Getting into the car which is parked on the gravel outside the bungalow I swear I see her smirk. Have a funny feeling she enjoys being the tyrant.

Car fires up, first gear and she’s away, arm waving from the open window that Ed opened earlier to stop the heat building up too much inside. I stand in the middle of the drive waving manically “Don’t go Sian, we miss you, send us a post card, come back”. Ed still sitting on the step just waves and shout “See ya later love”.

I can see Sian watching us in the rear-view mirror, is she smiling?  Beeping the horn and she’s gone around the corner.

I walk over to Ed and take his pint glass, “Another   one?” “Rude not too he says and walks with me back to the garage! 

 

Washing down our third pint still standing in the cool of the garage Ed starts to look around, eyes searching out for his petrol strimmer. Putting his pint glass down on the table he picks  up the strimmer from the back of garage buried half under a couple of empty cardboard boxes and a small piece of blue plastic canvas  and kneels down and opens the fuel cap.

“Bone dry” he says. Pass us that green can” gesturing to the plastic petrol can in the corner near the door. Shaking it back and forth trying to move any sludge that had floated to the bottom Ed opens it and it makes an audible “Ffffffffffffff”.

​

The strimmers tank now full he hands me back the petrol can, I do the top up but not too tight. Don’t want a pressure lock.

Pressing the little plastic bubble on the strimmers engine to prime it, choke on, a squeeze of the throttle and he pulls the starting cord, three, four .five times and the strimmer kicks into life.

Ed is smiling, thankful no doubt that it was that easy. Way too hot today to be getting angry with a stubborn strimmer.

​

Getting up and walking to the garage wall that is connected to the bungalow he reached for the strimmers shoulder harness and plastic visor.  Nodding to a large rake he says “I’ve got to strim you have to rake” but I am not there by his side.

He looks around to see me by “the bar” pouring the second of two pints of ice cold lager!  I smile at him “Might as well have one for the trip, it’s a long walk to that back garden of yours”  Ed smiles and bends over the strimmer and switches it off.

Fourth and final pint we leave the garage. I put my t-shirt back on and shades down. It’s getting hotter I swear. We walk down past the front of Ed and Sian’s bungalow and to the pine end and to the left and into their garden.

​

At least quarter of an acre in size, the grass easily waist high. A few well established shrubs dotted around the garden with the odd fruit tree. All bordered by a massive rhododendron bush.

We pause for a bit just looking; this is going to be interesting.

Ed puts the strimmer on the ground and kneels to start it and we hear a car coming up drive. Please don’t be Sian back now!  We are both looking in the direction of the car and the crunching gravel and to our relief, it’s not Sian’s car that rounds the corner into sight.

Stopping the car by pulling up the handbrake, the unmistakable sight of the back wheels locking and skidding on the gravel , the usual greeting of “Hands off your cocks and on with your socks” through the open car windows followed by a huge laugh it’s Ed’s brother in law Steve.

​

No matter where we have been, at weddings, in the chip shop surrounded by families and little children, even in front of my own mother Steve has greeted me and others with the same line. And he always laughs at the line as if it’s the first time anyone has heard it.

All in all a really nice bloke and very enthusiastic about everything. Married to Sian’s sister he is a dad of five and his wife Eleri is a saint.

“What you lot up to then?” says Steve. I almost say “Oh we’re off scuba diving” but I hold back. I mean, who would go scuba diving with a rake and a strimmer.

​

Now standing over Ed, Steve is looking at the strimmer. “That a new one, not seen that one before?

My mind goes back to a couple of weeks previous where Ed was telling me that Steve had borrowed the exact same strimmer and he needed it back to get the garden done before it got out of hand but low and behold, here we are. A mini jungle in Ed’s garden and Steve asking silly questions.

Quick as a flash Ed replies “Well actually it is. I’ve never used one of these. I was wondering how to start it, can you help me here Steve. Ya know you’re the genius in the family with all of this.”

Steve’s eyes light up “Let’s have a look as this beauty” while bending down just as Ed is getting back up onto his two feet.

A quick glance in my direction and a wink knowing that Steve cannot see I tighten my belly to stifle my laugh out loud and turn to hide the smile spreading across my face!  The amount of alcohol I’ve already drank is not helping and I am in the “party mood”.

​

Poor Steve is kneeling over the strimmer and thinking that Ed is taking in all that he is saying about how to prime the engine and pulling in the starter cord but in reality Ed is looking skywards, eyes closed enjoying the sun on his face and muttering the odd, “A-ha, I see, yep I got that” at points of Steve’s speech.

​

A couple of pulls of the starter cord and the strimmer fires up. “Here you go” Steve says proudly!  “That’s bloody brilliant Steve but with this model, how do I use it? claims Ed taking the shoulder harness off and handing it to Steve who without thinking takes it off him and puts it on, “I mean, if you could show me. Make sure I have it right”.

Steve smiling takes up what he thinks is a challenge and goes “I’ll show you” and popping the visor on his head and down over his eyes steps into the high grass!

I’m staring is disbelief. What is Steve doing? He can’t have fallen for this.

“That’s brilliant Steve” shouts Ed so Steve could hear him over the 2 stroke engine as he waves it back and forth, the business end sythching through the grass.

With Steve’s back to us Ed taps me on the belly “Fancy a pint?” and runs around the front of the house to garage. I take another look over to Steve who is happily cutting the grass, strimmer swinging side to side in some sort of rhythm and I run around the corner to catch up with Ed.

​

In the garage Ed’s already pulled the pints and gulping down his.

“We have to be quick” I say giggling. Ed’s laughing too. 

“Shit, he’s stopped” noticing the sound of the strimmer has ceased and running out of the garage Ed heads back to the garden. Necking the last of my pint I’m a few seconds behind him.

​

“Where you fuckers been” questions Steve. “Oh I’ve bad guts says Ed, you not hear the toilet flushing” tipping his head to the toilet window which looks back onto the garden.

“Fair enough” comments Steve who’s now standing in a large area of cut grass. “You think you want to have a go. You saw how easy it is”

“I would, lies Ed, but I’m not sure about cutting around those trees. Can you show me? You know Sian would kill me if I end up killing them”

”Hokey dokey” happily Steve quips as he fires up again the strimmer.

Ed runs past me once again “Fancy a pint”

Again I find myself running back to the garage.

​

Happily pouring another pint down our necks to the soothing sound of someone else doing our hard work for us the alcohol is now going to my head. “Is this fair? I ask Ed. He just bursts out laughing and that start me off. The two of us now on the cold garage floor in hysterics.  I love random days like this.

​

Again we are alerted to the lack of sound of the strimmer. Ed is on his feet and running to the back garden. Again I follow but as mentioned, the alcohol has gone to my head and I don’t take the corner of the house as neat as Ed. In fact I miss it completely and end up running into part of the rhodendron bush surround the garden. Much to Steve’s puzzlement and Ed’s delight I pull myself out on my hands and knees and attempt to stand up.

It’s not working and I fall backwards into the bush.

“Don’t worry, he not eaten much today and it affects his balance” Ed explains while laughing. I swear he has tears in his eyes.

Having no success at standing up I give in for the moment and just sit there.

​

“Where have you bastards been now?”

“The phone rang so I had to answer it and then they wanted to speak to H blah de blah. You know what it’s like Steve. Fair do, you’ve done well. That’s almost the whole garden done. What about those last bits over there? Ed pointing to the last corner.

Steve looks to me, is he angry or thinking. I offer him a smile and a little wave. “Looking good” trying to sound sober! 

“If you want me to cut your garden you have another thing coming” even though it was 90% completed.

“Go on Steve, there’s a pint in it for you if you just do that last bit”

Steve stares at Ed, I’m hoping he will say yes and not realise what we have been doing while he has been working. “Go on then” breaking into a smile, he turns, starts the strimmer and walks over to the last corner that needs to be cut.

​

Surprisingly I am quite comfortable where I have landed so I opt to sit there for the duration it takes Steve to finish to garden. Ed is leaning against the pine end of the bungalow.

In no time Steve has finished, flicks the strimmer off and walks over to Ed. In all fairness, from where I was sitting it looked a good job. He’s a good guy is Steve.

“Here Steve, let me take that heavy strimmer off you” no doubt Ed feeling a little guilty, ”Let’s go to the garage for that pint. You’ve earned it.”

“You coming H?” shouts Steve.

“Running all the way” I reply and for the second time that day I’m on my hands and knees as pins and needles again have attacked me and I’ve a numb bum.

​

Back at the garage Steve is really enjoying his pint, sweat running down his cheeks from his forehead. “Oh that is good. What time is it and not waiting for an answer states, hey I’d better go. Got to see a man about a dog”

And with that he’s out of the garage and into his car. Passing me as I hobble up, blood slowly getting back to my legs. 

In his car with a “see ya H stay lucky” he pops the car into reverse and backwards around the bend and out of sight, not bothering to turn around in the turning bay at the end of the lane past the house.

I look at Ed, “We’re going to hell for that” I say with a smile.

“Nah” says Ed looking back into the garage at “the bar” and then back to me, ”Fancy a pint” already knowing what my answer would be.

“Well I could do with a tipple. It’s been a hard day so far” I state.

 

Sitting back on the steps of Ed and Sian’s bungalow, in the same positions as an hour or so previous, Ed leaning into his hall in the shade we hear another car pulling up.

Reaching down with my right arm and picking my pint up with the view of hiding it but where I blurt out “Sian!”

Ed sits bolt upright “What?”

​

Out of the car and striding towards us “Look at you two, are you pissed? You look it. What did I say to you H about not getting him drunk? If you’ve not done that garden I’m going to skin you both”

Ed just sighs “Hello love, good day? You’re home early”

She climbs the steps and pushes past Ed and into the living room and then through to the kitchen. We hear the back door opening. She’s in the garden.

We hear the door closing and Sian walks again from the kitchen, through the living room and up to Ed.

She bends down, grabs Eds  chin and pulls his head back and leans forward and kisses him on the lips.

“I love you” she says and kisses him again. This time a little longer. She lets him go and Ed lowers his head, smiling like the cat that has the cream “You boys fancy a glass of wine? I have a bottle in the fridge”

No thanks we answer and me raising my pint glass to her.

Me and Ed look at each other with a knowing smile. Both breathing a sigh! 

“Good. Only being polite. By the way H, me and Ed are having a quiet night ok?” Sian shouts from the kitchen.

Ed looks at me, both eyebrows raised and a smile so large it’s close to meeting at the back of his head.

I grin back. “The joys of being married” he whispers to me. “I heard that” shouts Sian once again.

​

Gulping down the remains of my pint I hand Ed my empty glass with a smile. He smiles back and gets up off the step.

“I’m off up town then. Bound to be some visitors around this time of year who will get drunk with me. Some of them might have sisters that love beardy Welshmen”

“See ya later H” 

I smile and turn to walk away and before Ed can close the door Sian’s by Eds side. “I forgot to tell you. Eleri turned up to mums when I was leaving. She was saying something about Steve cutting grass and you having problems with the strimmer”

Sian was now smiling with her eyes as well her mouth. “I doubt you two would know anything about that”

“Ummm!  I’ll see you lot soon” as I am walking backwards.  “I’ll close the garage door for you Ed”

Ed looks at me smiling!  Sian waves and she’s still smiling and she closes the door. Through the frosted glass pane I see her throwing her arms around Ed.

I turn and walk along the gravel, close the garage door as promise and around the corner.  Not a bad start to my week off!